What does "good enough" even mean?
Maybe it's time to stop giving shame a place at your table (or your writing desk)
This is Roots + Branches, a newsletter on the craft and joy of writing and creativity by Root creator and award-winning author Dr. Julia Skinner. I hope it supports you in your creative journey!
Ah, shame.
There are a lot of challenges we face as writers, but one we don't talk about that often? The ways we feel shame or guilt or embarrassment about our work or who we are as writers: And the ways that holds us back from creating.
First things first: The purpose of talking about this is not to make you feel any additional shame or frustration or embarrassment or anything else. Every single creative person worries about what other people think about their work and whether or not their work is “good enough.”
This is especially true for those of us who are generally told our selves and identities are suspect or less than, simply for existing (I speak from my experience as a Queer woman, though of course this is true for many other people too).
So instead of adding more shame (which none of us need), here are the ways I address those moments when I feel like I or my writing aren’t “enough,” somehow. And I’d love to hear how they resonate with you!
What does shame look like for creatives?
All of us experience worry over what other people think, or feel imposter syndrome, or otherwise feel ashamed or lacking at least once in our lives (likely much more). But for creatives, this takes on a different flavor because we are making manifest pieces of ourselves and putting them out in the world in some way. There’s a level of vulnerability there that maybe makes that bit of doubt or worry or fear, when it arises, feel more sharp (I think of it as a spark or a shock) than mild.
Our shame around whether or not we're doing "real work" or if people will like our ideas.
Our shame around what work "should" look and feel like (hint: it doesn't have to be an overwhelming slog).
Feeling like we aren’t producing enough, whatever “enough” means in a given moment.
Internalized shame from family, society, schools. Internal narratives we tell ourselves.
You probably wouldn’t identify this type of shame as feeling “ashamed” of your self/work/whatever, but there’s a sense of dis-ownership and distance at the heart of it: The shame is not so much that you would outwardly describe yourself or work as bad, but more that you are not feeling intimately close with the parts that feel good.
I was struck by something Simone Grace Seol said recently: "don't shame-wash your past choices. One, it's not fair or loving to Past You, and two, it sets up Future You to shame Present You. Be unavailable for shaming. Being human is enough. You are enough."
Like, whew!
Many of the writers I’ve worked with who feel like they/their work are lacking in some way are often feeling that way because of internalized self-criticism and shame.
If that’s you (and it’s all of us, if we’re being honest) the answer isn’t more negative self-talk. The answer is to find something worthwhile to replace it with. And to look with gratitude rather than shame towards past you. Present you, and future you, rely on that person to be here and to continue creating.
Letting ourselves grow close
How often do we creatives cast our shame towards ourselves forwards and backwards: to past us, present us, and even future us?
What would happen, for your well-being and your creative work, if you shifted those narratives and were suddenly unavailable for shame?
I'm willing to bet it would be pretty revolutionary.
Why not give it a try?
This week, notice when shame is in the driver's seat of your self talk (AND start to think a more loving thought to replace the shame with).
Let yourself feel close to, and appreciative of, some aspect of yourself (whether or not it’s related to your creative work): Maybe it’s that you sit down to write every day, but if you really aren’t feeling that, extend your gratitude feelers more broadly: Maybe, for example, you’re grateful for the fact that you do the dishes every night and that feels like a big gift to future you. Just find something, one thing, you can show appreciation for, and then go from there.
For me, part of unraveling the narratives of “not enough” is reminding myself of the ways I’m already embodying and experiencing “enough: Maybe you remind yourself that you’re already a writer (or a painter or musician or whatever other creative), maybe you take stock of the different ways your writing is already being appreciated (I keep an email folder and a desktop folder of positive emails/etc that I can look at when I’m feeling down). Or maybe you have another way you shift your relationship to your own self-worth when you’re being overly self-critical.
Once you shift the ways you speak to and about yourself, you’ll probably notice your relationship to your creative work starts to shift, too.
You’ll also be able to unweave toxic social narratives that pose as “imposter syndrome”: That tell you you aren’t good enough not only because you aren’t producing in the way we’re expected to, but also say you aren’t good enough because you yourself are worthy of criticism for some aspect of your identity.
That previous statement is worthy of a whole post on its own, but suffice to say: When we have a strong, loving, internal compass that values what we’re creating over what we’re afraid of, the social narratives we’ve internalized, the criticism we receive from others, or the ways we shame our past selves all become more clear, and we’re able to brush them aside and listen to the part of ourselves that knows we’re on the right creative path (even if it looks like no one else’s).
How are you showing up for yourself in your writing life this week?
(P.S. reframing self-talk is something I cover in every program in Roots + Branches: including Bloom and Writing Playground).
Reminder: Writing Playground begins August 1st
Writing Playground is back open!
This workshop is half playful writing prompts and half skill building, with live support from me between each session.
Grab a cup of tea or your favorite beverage, settle in, and join us for some relaxed, fun sessions that will reshape your relationship to writing.
Each week, we focus on building 1-2 writing skills (think boundaries and routines) BUT only after we devote some time to actually doing some writing:
And the writing we do is all very low stakes, fun responses to prompts (no pressure to write in a certain way or to share what you wrote).
If you miss a session, they’re all recorded so you can catch up later: And you have lifetime access to our resource library, so you don’t have to worry about trying to memorize and implement everything in a month (that would be…a lot).
In other words, we're creating a playful writing practice because we are spending the time actually writing in a playful way (which will bring levity and relaxation to your writing in general, not just the writing we do here).
We’re laying down the bricks on that path towards a future us that is not only doing what present-day us dreams of, BUT because there’s some play and gentleness built in, that future you will probably be looking back with gratitude.
EVERY writer deserves to feel such pleasure and joy as they work: Come join me and start building the writing life of your dreams!
Make sure to use the code WRITINGFRIENDS for 80% off: And please share with your writing friends who might want to come write and play with us!